Navigating Stress as a Military Spouse: A Personal and Professional Perspective.
By: Andrea Capitolo, B.A., Counselor Intern, and Military Spouse
As a military spouse, pre-licensed counselor, and mom, I’ve experienced stress from both
personal and professional perspectives. I’ve lived through uncertainty, long separations,
and constant moves to new places. At the same time, I’ve also gained a deeper
understanding of the stress military spouses face by learning about it professionally.
Stress is part of life, but when you’re married to someone in the military, it can feel like
it’s always there, constantly changing. From deployments to relocations and the
responsibility of supporting someone in the military, military spouses often carry a lot of
emotional weight.
So, how can we, as military spouses, better understand and manage stress? The first
step is recognizing that stress is complex. While we can’t always eliminate it, we can
learn to manage it.
UNDERSTANDING THE SOURCE OF STRESS
Being a military spouse means dealing with constant change and unpredictability. Here
are a few common stressors we face:
1. The Stress of Separation: Deployments, training, and long-distance
assignments are a regular part of military life. Being away from your spouse for
months or longer is emotionally challenging. The loneliness and uncertainty can
make the stress feel never-ending.
2. The Constant Relocation: Moving frequently means leaving friends, jobs, and
familiar places. Starting over can be exhausting—finding new homes, schools,
and support systems. Every time you move, it can feel like being a stranger in a
new place.
3. The Invisible Emotional Burden: Many military spouses feel isolated. There’s
often an unspoken pressure to stay strong while your spouse is away. The
mental load of managing everything at home—finances, kids, household
tasks—can be overwhelming, especially while trying to take care of yourself.
4. Unpredictable Schedules: Military life is full of surprises. A normal day can
quickly change with little notice. Whether it’s an unexpected deployment, a last-
minute trip, or a schedule change, the unpredictability can leave you feeling
stressed and out of control.
ACKNOLEDGING STRESS, NOT IGNORING IT
As someone who has both studied mental health and lived through the stress of military
life, I know how important it is to acknowledge stress instead of ignoring it. Often, we tell
ourselves to “suck it up” because we think we should be strong. But ignoring stress
doesn’t make it go away—it just builds up over time.
Stress shows up in many ways—irritability, fatigue, anxiety, and even physical
symptoms like headaches or trouble sleeping. It can be hard to pinpoint exactly where
the stress comes from because it often feels like a constant background noise. But the
first step in managing it is recognizing that it’s there.
TIPS FOR MANAGING STRESS
Over the years, I’ve learned there’s no “one size fits all” solution for managing stress,
especially as a military spouse. However, there are some strategies that have helped
me, and they might work for you too.
1. Create a Routine and Stick to It: Even when life feels out of control, creating a
simple routine can help. Routine brings stability, especially when everything else
feels uncertain. It doesn’t have to be strict, but having a sense of normalcy can
reduce anxiety.
2. Build a Support System: You don’t have to go through this alone. Military life
can be isolating, but there are many resources available. Whether it’s connecting
with other military spouses, joining local groups, or reaching out to family and
friends, having people who understand can make a big difference.
3. Take Time for Yourself: I know it’s hard. There’s always something that needs
to be done. But self-care is vital. Whether it’s going for a walk, enjoying a hobby,
or just having some quiet time with a book, taking time to recharge will help you
avoid burnout.
4. Set Boundaries and Communicate Openly: Communication is key in any
relationship, especially in military marriages. Be clear about your needs and set
realistic expectations about what military life demands. Asking for help isn’t a
sign of weakness; it’s a way to protect your mental health.
5. Practice Mindfulness: When stress gets overwhelming, mindfulness can help.
You don’t need to meditate for hours (unless you want to!), but taking a few deep
breaths, focusing on the present moment, and noticing what you’re feeling can
ease stress.
6. Seek Professional Help When Needed: If the stress becomes too much, talking
to a counselor can really help. As both a military spouse and a counselor, I’ve
seen how professional support can provide clarity and strategies to cope. It’s
okay to ask for help. Reaching out to professionals like the team at Valor can
help bring peace of mind and emotional strength.
FINAL THOUGHTS
Being a military spouse comes with its own set of challenges and stressors. But by
recognizing stress, understanding where it comes from, and learning how to manage it,
we can not only survive military life but thrive in it.
Remember, you don’t have to do this alone. Seek support, take care of yourself, and be
kind to yourself. You’re doing an amazing job, and you deserve to feel supported,
strong, and at peace.
Take care and remember: Stress is not a sign of weakness—it’s a signal to take care of
yourself.
Do not hesitate to reach out to us @ Valor Counseling Center for professional help and
support as you navigate the journey of military life.
