A Mechanic for your Heart?
By: Ben Higgins
“Hey Ben, I have always envisioned a counselor as being someone who just tries to make money from clients and prolong their problems as long as possible to make as much money as they can. Is that true? Do you find a small issue and make it big to keep them in counseling for as long as possible?”
My friend had an excellent question that day and it is something I regularly run into when I tell people I am a counselor. Some people think due to stories they have heard from friends where the counselor doesn’t really help and just turns the sessions into a social hour once a week that all the counselor cares about is money. I will be the first to admit that those counselors exist. However, for most counselors that is not the case. I saw a client a few weeks ago where I looked him in the eyes and said to him, “I don’t want you to be here. I want you to become so healthy that if I see you, it’s only every few months to help process something challenging in your life that you don’t know how to do on your own.” I said that, not because I don’t care about him, because I deeply care, but I said it because I am not sitting across from a client to make money, I am sitting across from a client to help them learn how to be healthier.
I as a counselor am for your heart what a mechanic is for your vehicle. You drive and you put miles on your car or truck. You also put miles on your heart, soul, and brain every day of your life. Every few thousand miles, if you care about your vehicle you take it to the mechanic so that they can change your oil filter, put new oil in your car, and rotate your tires. You do this because you care for your vehicle, and you want it to run as long as possible. If you neglect the oil changes and tire rotations, you will greatly lessen the life expectancy of your vehicle before it spins out on the road because of bad tires, or you break down because the car lacks the oil it needs to keep everything running smoothly.
Your heart, soul, and brain are the same way. As you live your life you are accruing miles. Though you do not need an oil filter, oil, or tire rotation, you do need to check your heart, soul, and brain to see where the ware and tare is building up.
As a counselor I think of different types of counseling sessions. I have some clients I see every week. They didn’t do their regular needed maintenance and now other things have gone wrong. Their heart, the transmission of their body, is worn down and needs help. That is a much bigger fix than an oil change. Depending on the damage of a vehicle transmission you may be able to fix a part of it, but you may need an entirely new transmission. Likewise, there will be moments in your life where you may need a brand-new transformation of your heart. The old joyful, exuberant, love-living-life self has turned into an anxious, exhausted, and depressed self.
There may be moments where it’s not a full transmission rebuild, but instead your A/C system has broken down. You don’t know how to cool down in life. Your anxiety heats you up, your anger heats you up, your frustration heats you up. Your mechanisms for cooling down are broken and you need help to learn how to rebuild your A/C system for your soul. You may need to come to a counselor for a few weeks or months to help rebuild that system, but it isn’t a lifelong sentence to fix it.
There is also a need for those oil changes and tire rotation. You come see a counselor every few weeks, or every other month, or even every few months. You check in, catch up on life, ask some questions pertaining to your life, but your engine is going strong, and your check engine light is off.
The benefit of seeing a counselor even for the mere seasons of life for an oil change is that eventually, your check engine light will come on or you will spin out or break down. This is inevitable and when that happens, if you have already established a connection with a counselor, you will be able to jump right into the challenges you face no matter how big or small and can begin to see growth, healing, and fullness of life again. It doesn’t mean that it will always be a quick and easy fix, some problems do take substantial time, but just like a mechanic who starts with step 1, the good counselor starts with step 1 and from there helps your vehicle or your heart run again so that it can continue to live a good life.
If you are still skeptical about seeing a counselor that is completely normal. I remember the first time I went to see a counselor and I remember thinking to myself, “What problems do I think I am going to be diagnosed with as the crazy counselor psycho-analyzes every microscopic word or posture I make.” Does a good counselor listen to what you say? Yes. Do they read your body language? Yes. But it is not done to isolate and medicate. It is not done to make you feel crazy. A good counselor listens to what you say, not just the words but the true meaning behind them. A good counselor observes body language to identify pain, fear, or other things that are dragging you down. Ultimately, we do this because we want to see you achieve the healthiest and best version of yourself so you can be the best employee, the best spouse, the best parent, the best friend, and whatever else you may be to others we want to see you succeed. So I challenge you, if you think you need an oil change, if you think your transmission needs fixing, if you may have an A/C system that is breaking down and you are losing your cool, or your tank is out of gas, schedule an appointment and let us help get you back on the road of life again and come back every few thousand miles so we can help change the oil and rotate the tires.
